I'm now into my second week of this cleanse.
The plan this week is to start replacing my compulsions--food, and emotional--with Ngondro purification rituals.
Yes, this means chanting.
I am very, very self conscious about adopting spiritual rituals of any kind. Last night I was convinced that the Ngondro audio tape I was listening to was disturbing the neighbours, and of course if I chant they will hear me. Or will they? I'm not that loud.
But I imagine that they will than then what? They will think I'm a Buddhist. That's a very vulnerable feeling, because having a religion of any kind leaves you open for persecution. It doesn't make me feel safe. The whole point of Ngondro practice is to find refuge.
And yet, the starting point of refuge is that feeling of vulnerability. Without acknowledging our vulnerability, there is no motivation to seek refuge.
Paradoxically, it's this vulnerability that prompts us to seek refuge, and the refuge that keeps us safe and, thus, less vulnerable.
So, perhaps the key is to take refuge in this feeling of vulnerability. It keeps us open, it means we are learning, It keeps the compassion flowing. It keeps us strong. It is courage. And it takes courage to set out on this path.
But it's the way
