Monday, May 21, 2018

New Stage

With the commitment to bodhichitta, my practice has entered a new stage.  As I make more habitual a dedication to enlightenment for all, I feel a force field build and emanate from me.

Writing this feels grandiose. But living it doesn't feel grandiose.  Maybe it's wrong to write that it is emanating from me.  More accurately I am surrendering to a force that supports and emanates from anyone who is aware of it.  It's both me and not me at all.

As I enter my third day of retreat, I feel a deep thriving in my heart. Every hour I meditate is like a deep diving expedition.  I go down and find a sharp shell of self-hatred or despair.  I work at it until it unlodges and boom the energy lifts me up.  I feel an anchored and abiding motivation to do whatever needs to be done to make my life happier. Clean my home, exercise, eat more vegetables.

I feel more open.  My mind is naturally quiet. My job is now to get comfortable with it. Assimilate it as a trait, the way a superhero gets used to having power.


Sunday, May 20, 2018

Bodhichitta

The best way to achieve emotional stability, freedom from hatred, self-hatred, craving, and all the suffering that controls us, is to deeply and truly desire these things for everyone.

Earlier this month I started a course in the six paramitas. These are qualities, like the four immeasurables (compassion, loving-kindness, joy and equanimity) that cultivated, over time, become bodhicitta, the spontaneous and natural love of all beings.

It's been such a busy year, which I can see by how little I've been writing. Once again success threatens to derail my spiritual development.  But it's certainly not the self-sabotage I've seen in the past.  I'm still managing to meditate every day.

This weekend, I've decided to retreat and log some hours.  I've signed up for Vipassana in the fall, a  10 day retreat. I want to be ready for that, but also I'm feeling the build up of work related emotional poisons.  A lot of envy, pettiness, need to control.  I don't want to add to the confusion that already exists.  I need a strong heart and clear vision. For myself, and for everyone that I work with.

Wanting for other people, the same things that I want, happiness, freedom from suffering adds power to my wanting.  It has a massive impact on my practice.