Something I don't think I was conscious of the last time I did a cleanse. That once the physical side-effects have subsided, there's a new level: emotional side-effects.
Looking over my last journal, I see that as soon as I lived through the physical aches, I found myself confronted with the other addictions, but I'm not sure that I saw what the trigger for those addictions were. Anger, anxiety, remorse, all the things that rise up when I'm not using food to numb them. If I'm not using food, television, computers, I'm going to have to sit with those feelings and feel them. I'm going to have to live life. My own life.
So, what's the plan?
This time around it's this Ngondro practice. I'm going to sit with these emotions, and all the the power that I have from my Tergar community. And I'm going to feel and release those emotions for my benefit, and for the benefit of everyone my life touches.
But it's not going to be easy. Because I have a lot of anger and combative energy to sit with. There's an awful lot to clean out.
I will try to remember that there is also a lot of power in this practice. I have allies in this project.
