Addicted to thought

I crave thinking. 

This week in meditation I felt that craving deeply, and when I did, a whole new path opened up. I guess I could call it a jhana.  But I felt the release that came from letting go of thinking and allowing all that is not thinking take over. 

Of course I've done this before, but I'm not sure I've ever really focussed as much as I did this week on the impulse to think.  

It was magical. 

I wonder how I can apply that to my writing.  This morning I saw my stack of old writing practice journals.  It's been so long since I tried to bypass thinking in my writing. I've been struggling with the BDW.  Maybe this would work. 

Hello, Hungry Ghost

This week I re-started my mindful eating habit core modules at Eat Right Now. 

I discovered this program about two years ago shortly after I launched an experiment.  On my screensaver I put a rather disturbing buddhist painting of The Hungry Ghost, the being with a large stomach and tiny mouth who represents that part of us that can never be satisfied.  I was struggling with my own HG, having hit the highest weight that I've ever recorded, putting me solidly into the medical definition of obesity.  This app/community of practice is the work of Dr. Judson Brewer, psychiatrist/buddhist, and for me it was exactly what I needed.  It was program and supporting community that helped me transfer my mindfulness skills in meditation to my eating habits and get my cravings under control. It also pointed me toward a low insulin food plan that helped me to lose about 30 lbs in the next six months.  

I kept this off for a good while, but at the beginning of the year I started to struggle again.  Tried to shift to a vegetarian diet with complex carbs that started to bring my insulin levels back up. Tried to balance that with fasting.  By March I was on a rat wheel of uber eats, and my weight was steadily climbing back up to obesity.  Ben was hitting a high weight as well. 

So I'm back in the program.  This morning's module is about The Hungry Ghost.  My tendency is to want to satisfy my HG with substitution strategies, getting busy, doing other stuff.  But these are just band aids on the wound. The prescription today is to just be with the pain.  Eat some small healthy meals throughout the day.  Know that the suffering will eventually ease

through the power of awareness. 

Sit. Stay. Heal.