This week I continue to explore the path of refuge. As I try to create a refuge that is healthy and sustainable, I become conscious of the habitual refuges that are not healthy and sustainable.
There are the obvious one: television and food. But one thing I don't consider is how emotional states are used as refuge. Anger, irritation, petty bickering are a refuge for me. Anger brings a sort of clarity, however illusory. But confusion is a refuge as well.
Feeling confused and helpless is a refuge from taking action because if I don't know what to do I can't act. And then I avoid all the risks that come with acting. That I might fail, that my actions lead to a worse situation. But inaction is a refuge.
To have clarity in my life, I have to act. And I have to act in consistent ways. Routines, meditation, cleaning, shopping, preparing and eating healthy foods. These bring clarity. Writing brings clarity. If I really want clarity I need to surrender to these.
Does this mean, I never have uncertainty? No I don't think so, but I can't make it a refuge. I can't make it a comfortable place that supports inaction. I have to feel that uncertainty and chaos deeply and learn its lessons and then move on.
