Remember a couple of days ago when the chi was getting stronger. Well here I am now struggling to maintain my focus.
I'm obsessing over, all things, Roman Polanski. I wrote an opinion piece yesterday and now I can't stop thinking about it and get my mind back to the gentle energy I need. This morning, while standing, I had a Roman Polanski related memory, which I won't go into. But at least in standing I begin to trace the roots of my obsessions.
Much of my writing is driven by this obsessive energy, memories that want to come to the surface, desperation for validation. I wonder sometimes, okay often, if my public blog is more of a distraction than a help. I can't seem to settle down to the subject that I'm pretty sure is my calling, consciousness driven writing.
I, I, I, I.
Yesterday it hit me why I want to believe in this force, this energy that is stronger than me and that will intervene in my life in a positive way if I ask it. Because if it can help me and others then I have a responsibility to believe in it. If channeling it actually can bring love and justice and peace to the world, then I have a responsibility to channel it and encourage other people to do it. But I'm scared because I know that a lot of people will consider that regressive and irresponsible and immature. And I don't really have the authority or the great life to prove to anyone that this is a good thing to do.
But can't I do it because it's a good thing for me and a good thing for the people in my life, and for the other people who are also in the process of channeling it?
What is my way?
