As the days where I'm standing first thing in the morning build, the energy builds and my realization that I am an energy that is dreaming me becomes clearer.
Okay, clear to me, but I realize that might be a little cryptic to somebody else. Here's what happens now when I meditate. I stand. I feel the energy starting to circulate in my legs, in my Tan Tien. It builds up in my spine and between my knees and hands. Then I hear my muse, the voice that instructs me in what to do while I'm standing. I tells me to stand with her a little bit behind my body and just observe. Observe the energy a it builds, as it becomes the ball that lifts my arms. As it begins to open up my chest, my upper back, my brain.
I just observe the energy. And sometimes that energy even starts to get a little funky with me, sending pleasurable, erotic feeling through my tummy. Yesterday I had a weird afternoon meditation where I remembered my first, very disappointing, sexual encounter. I remembered it. I surrounded it in this new energy and I let it go. I feel like I'm being cleaning out of sadness and anger and disappointment as I ally with this new, although it's always been there, concept of self.
Is this self-immolation? It doesn't feel like it. I feel stronger, sturdier when I'm allied with this energy. I have a clearer picture of what I need to do to bring well being into my life. I feel healthier, not manic or unsettled.
The more I do this, the more I am driven by this energy. The more I am driven by it, the better I feel. To be driven by wellbeing. That is the best way to live.
