Note to self: never go back to unhealthy eating habits.
I feel very good. This despite a cold, a very heavy period, and whatever else may be going wrong in my life. I feel this core of healthy energy almost effortlessly available to me whenever I need it.
I feel awake, alive, warm inside. Vital.
This morning I woke up early and had a half hour stand. Then I followed pretty much the same routine as yesterday. Some first and second position to get the energy going. Some exercises to open up the channels a little more. And then first position and just watch what happens.
Pretty much the same as yesterday, just stronger. I feel the energy growing on the right side of my body, lifting my arm to the point where I can easily just allow it to support me. I fell it intermittently flowing up my spine. Sometimes I get distracted by some recent obsession. But now when that happens, I shift into making the obsessive energy the object of my awareness. Pretty soon I feel a natural compulsion to return to the more pleasant flow of chi.
Because I've been following the Tergar program, I'm also trying to bring in some compassion. At one point I started to cry. It struck me how much of my life had been a turning away from chi, from God, from natural, harmless health and integrity. I felt like an errant child who had spent my whole life foolishly misbehaving, and harming myself and others. I cried it out. All the while still holding on to the energy. And then I just decided to forgive myself in the same way I would forgive Ben. I'm not sure I feel this deeply yet. But it's a start.
Today they start the process of electing a new Pope. I haven't been a practicing Catholic for many years, but I'm going to pray. I deeply hope they elect someone who can reconnect the church to people so that it can awaken that powerful global network of love that I believe the Church has the potential to bring forth.
And I hope that I can continue this journey with the same devotion and with the same faith that I once had to this guiding spirit.
