Today I'm on day 2 of a dietary cleanse. I'm cutting out sugar, alcohol, caffeine, gluten, and animal meat for at least a week. Maybe longer if I feel inspired. I'm doing this mostly because I've accepted in the last few weeks how much my poor eating habits affect my morning practice. I hope this tan tien energy that I want to build, and make a permanent core in my body, would be much stronger if there weren't so much sludge for my liver to deal with every evening.
I started yesterday and began immediately to feel the effects of my caffeine addiction and whatever else it is that I can't seem to stop myself from consuming. I literally felt the same way I used to feel back when I was routinely trying to quit smoking. I felt all these toxins in my body fighting to stay alive. I felt dirty and headachy.
Two things helped me quit smoking. First my tai chi practice made me protective of my breath. And second, I moved. Not associating cigarettes with my cues in environment made it much easier to quit.
I'm feeling hopeful that this is the same process that is happening with my food addictions. I'm feeling protective of my gut. And you can't care about your gut and eat and drink things that make it feel lousy. With my gut in better shape, I hope I'll be able to make better food choices more instinctively. I'm going to be moving in the next months, so this is a good time to set up a new environment. It would be such a relief to my psyche to be finally liberated from these constant food cravings, in the same way I've been liberated from my nicotine addictions.
Today though I have to deal with side effects of getting off these things. I feel less trashy, but there are definitely going to be feelings to deal with. This morning in practice I could feel the muscle tension. I didn't know this, but caffeine works by creating muscle tension, so when you get off it, your body needs a lot of time to learn how to relax naturally.
The other thing I'm feeling is fatigue. Obviously. Caffeine keeps the cycle going because fatigue becomes the trigger. One thing I learned through quitting smoking is to reframe triggers as symptoms. Fatigue is a symptom of caffeine addiction. It's not going to go away with more caffeine, it's going to become entrenched. So today I'm going to have to take it easy, live with the fatigue. Maybe try and get outside to get some oxygen and whatever natural stimulants I can find.
I don't feel like running, but if I run hopefully I'll sleep better.
Journaling helps to entrench a positive cycle. It helped with my smoking. It will help with my eating.
