My practice fluctuates like winter and summer between periods where I'm feeling amazing surges of energy and periods where I seem to have incrementally returned to where I set out from, a place of rigidity where the sap is thin.
Often my thin sap days are because I'm growing in a different area of my life. Right now, for instance, I've started learning computer programming and I'm more than a little obsessed with all the places that might lead me. Maybe I'll start a meet up for teenagers at the RPM center. Maybe this will turn into a business where I run after school programs.Maybe I'll start a career as a tech journalist. Maybe I'll design a course to teach at Dawson.
All these maybes. None of them right now have standing like a tree in the centre of that action. None of them involve keeping a space for the indescribable marvels that I can experience now.
I can't force myself to care about Zhang Zhuan. But I can break the infinite excitement loop to keep my feet on the ground. Otherwise I'm just giving away all my energy for free. And then I'm sapped.
