One of the things that has derailed me time and time again in my standing practice is excitement.
I get to a stable point where I'm feeling the inner peace and the joy and then something happens that sparks my enthusiasm, and suddenly the practice starts feeling very mundane and dry and well, treelike. My ego starts getting all fired up with the potential for success and before I know it I lack the grounding energy to keep that fire going. So whatever has made me enthusiastic dies, along with the practice.
Right now I'm excited about something, but I'm holding back. Is my holding back healthy, or undermining?
One thing excitement undermines is writing. It's hard to write when your brain is jumping about with ideas and visions. Writing needs a kind of energy in between depression and mania. Writing needs authentic joy.
