Of course it's not my brain I want back. It's my core. My consciousness.
I'm distracted, at the mercy of an anxious drive in my brain that drifts off to reparative fantasies to sooth whatever it is that's bothering me. But whatever it is seems lost in the chaotic underbrush of my mind.
So today I'm trying to cultivate some metal power. There are specific exercises in chi kung where you cultivate a feeling with the sharpness and weight of metal instruments. In martial arts you can use this power to use a sword, or to use your limbs like swords.
But you can also use it to develop mental clarity, to develop the ability to get right to the point.
These energies are supposed to develop protective strength. Right now I'm feeling tossed around by inner forces, bad habits, unchecked drives. I don't really want to live this way. So I'm setting out today with my mental machete.
I'm also trying to gather my power by focusing on my tan tien as though it were a magnet drawing more and more energy into it all the time. So that it can't suck my scattered thoughts into my gut and fuel my instincts.
Let's see how that works.
