Day 1:
8 am.
I prepare. This is a momentous event in the unfolding event that is the mind. I want to put into place the conditions that allow me to have a recognition that is going to take, a direct experience of clarity that is a tipping point.
For this weekend I renounce all my wordly concerns and obsessions. I feel the craving, fear, resistance as support. Cloudy, muddy waters that over the course of the weekend will settle. Causes have outcomes. Non meditation will open the mind to clarity.
But I need to stay devoted.
5:30 pm
Using space as a metaphor for the nature of mind, everything inside as well as outside feels empty.
Earlier in the day I am reminded of my first lucid dream, and that sudden shock of total clarity and luminosity. This is more subtle and gradual.
At the end of the meditation self hatred rises up. But as I explore it, I realize there is no real boundary. The heart is just space too.
6:30
How do I live in this freedom? I want to be careful that I'm not asking "how do I keep living in this freedom." Yes, I want to sustain it, but I don't want to become fixated on maintaining states. Just see this as a gentle exploration of the world outside the tiny box my mind has been shut up in.
