So, I have an agent.
Set a goal. Accomplished it. Now the fun. Or the undermining begins.
Yeah, you read that right. I'm afraid. I don't deal well with success. Once I've achieved something, I find myself manic, overexcited, then anxious and convinced I'm going to fail or disappoint the person. I find myself tangled up in expectations and before I know it I'm sitting with a bunch of crap at my feet.
How will this be any different?
I need to see the self-sabotaging persona as just that. A persona that simply cannot be allowed to rule my life anymore. That doesn't mean I kill her. I just don't give her the control and power she once had.
The plan today is to use my calendar. Stick to the tasks I've assigned myself. Particularly the cleaning tasks and my 30 minutes of zhan zhuang. Be conscious of this persona that wants me to do what I feel like and not the task I assigned.
I will work on both deconstructing my body (because that's the JOL3 challenge for the week) and deconstructing the part of myself that is emotionally driven.
I do not have to be driven by anxiety, distorted beliefs and fear. That's what's undermining me. But my wisdom will change the course I've been on.
