I'm midway now in the six month JOL3 program, where I'm trying to make these habits of wisdom intuitive.
This week I've been working on impermanence of body sensations. But I'm admitting to myself at the end of the week that my practice on this has been somewhat impermanent itself. There seems to be something in me that is quite resistant to this particular practice. Probably because it starts with something that feels like pain. But is merely discomfort.
The consquence of avoiding this practice though, is that I've missed out on a powerful lesson. It's through these uncomfortable sensations that we reach a state of interesting, comfortable, buddah nature, or chi sensations. Sensations of stability, stillness, lucid, clear energy running through us. I guess I'll call them life force sensations.
I like to be in this energy, but one thing I've noticed more than usual this week is that I'm also uncomfortable with this energy.
What I realized this morning is that I'm uncomfortable with the impermanence of this more powerful energy. I'm uncomfortable with the fact that this energy is always in a state of flux. But if I settle into that, if I watch this energy transform in the same way that I might watch television, suddenly my resistance begins to melt away. I'm not so worried that I'm going to get sucked into some permanent loop because this energy is impermanent as well.
It's really just another layer of impermanence.
