Sometime around last summer, I started to notice an energy that seemed to be stabilizing in my heart area. Like a kind of ballbearing, but composed of clear moving energy. Now in the last few days after my retreat, I've felt this energy sinking down. Now it's stabilizing in my gut area.
Everything for the next few months in my practice is going to be about stabilizing this gut energy because I believe this is the seat of wisdom. This is the place from where wisdom shines.
In the meantime I need to allow a lot of frozen energy to thaw. Okay it doesn't actually feel frozen as much as fossilized, or solidified to the point of carbonization. Yesterday I could feel a lifetime of self hatred in my gut and my body, and it seemed impossible for me to be anything but a big, block of self hatred.
This is where The Mirror meditation is probably useful. The more I see the world around me as reflection and illusion, the easier it is to feel this about my inner life.
I'm curious to see how my running practice affects this belly energy. I know that I felt an increase of energy in my heart after six months of running, but I want to start working on my core strength so that I can get faster and run for longer periods and protect myself from injury. Will this translate into an actual feeling of wisdom, physically as well as spiritually?
What I'm starting to feel the more I bring my Tergar and Zhan Zhuang practice together is a kind of "cognitive body." This is a body that has been created from years of thought and emotion that have become habits, not always good, but often quite good. When all I see is the bad, it can feel pretty hopeless. But the more I practice, the more I remember all the work I've done towards finding these feeling of peace and joy.
