I had terrible, weird, vivid dreams last night. Dreams about the most disturbed people I've ever known. Violent dreams about sexual torture. Strange dreams about art shows with wooden pterodactyls flying across a room.
My fear is working its way out of my body and mind. But first I need to become more aware of it. That's hard to do with all the clutter I'm putting into it with the internet, and t.v. etc. I need to break the loop. This week I started a habit of fasting two days a week to get rid of some excess weight I've been carrying. I wonder if I spend two days off the internet and TV what would happen. Two information fasts a week. Sunday, lets say and Wednesday.
Sundays are hard because its all my favourite shows. But I can catch up at another point. I don't need to see these shows at the same time as everyone else. And it's important to me to wake up feeling clear and calm on Mondays. Not tripped out by whatever hyper dramatic show had captured my mind. Also having a clear calm mind will help me better weather the discomforts of the food fast.
I need to do this because I know my writing is suffering and this book has to be good and near completion by the end of the year. I'm way behind what I wanted to be. But I can't get impatient with myself, because impatience is the root of writer's block. I need to keep that fine balance.
So what will I do on this day of digital fast? I'll meditate often. I'll centre my mind at that spot where I know that I am whole, that I am connected to a power far greater than this feeble sense of "self." I'll give my mind space to store up on confidence and calm. I'll think about my book, so that on my food fast day I'll be primed for a busy work day. I'll read a lot. And I'll continue to weaken this cycle of fear. I will tap into my stores of insight.
