The energy in my Tan Tien is beginning to stabilize. I feel it as a more reliable flow, accessible to me more easily. Like a bank with a steady flow of money.
This week I had an allegory that served me well. I imagined that the vitality in my gut was the equivalent of a billion dollars. A massive amount of energy and power, of security, excitement and freedom that was available to me at any point. All I had to do was to be aware of it. Whenever my monkey mind wandered off into another petty, or quotidian obsession, I would equate this with an indifferent decision to walk away from an easy billion dollars.
I will try to frame the decision to practice more like this throughout the week. I can watch T.V., another episode of S.U.V. or some really tired, stressful show. Or I can have my billion dollars and all the feelings that go with that. All the feelings of security, of potential for unlimited generosity. Of unlimited adventure.
It's an interesting exercise, thinking about how to spend this billion dollars.
But the best part is reconnecting with that vitality and confidence that happens when my Tan Tien is full and functional.
Deep comfort, security, well being have never been things I've valued. Maybe because I've never known them, or known that I had a right to want these things. Or that there was the possibility of having these things.
I knew that it was possible for other people to have them. But when I have this deep, core energy, I know that it's possible for me to have it.
I'm aware of what is available to me, this deep, deep peace.
This morning I had the thought that I'm kind of like an energy farmer, cultivating, tending accumulating this energy.
But I kind of like the idea of feeling like an energy banker. Having all this physical and spiritual wealth that I can use for others, to connect them and to enrich their lives.
Okay, maybe that feels a little grandiose. But the main thing is I want to enjoy it.
