This week I've been feeling the tingling from my Tan Tien re-generating. My lower body is starting to feel more solid. I have have felt myself as a very big cell of energy with the nucleus at the Tan Tien. When I get to this stage the purpose of my life is so clear, to just build and live from this energy.
I have nothing to lose from living this way, and everything to gain. I sleep better, I make better decisions. I connect better with other people. I write better.
So why is there this "but." Why is the undermining energy so much stronger. Why do I keep cycling back to this point of crisis. Or does it just feel stronger? I'm here aren't I? This journal has continued and been a foundation for me to bring me back again and again and again to this practice. And every I return, I realize how much I've still retained in my body and psyche.
I guess it feels stronger because I'm so attached to it. If I could accomplish the trick of making the undermining energy the foundation of my practice than the undermining energy would be the fuel that drives my practice. At which point the healthier, more nurturing energy would grow naturally.
And this time it will stay.
Tan Tien, purpose, meaning, energy, habit
