Part of the challenge of my new practice is that at a certain point I stopped aiming for the peak experiences that lured me into this.
I am content with equanimity. More than that, I believe equanimity is the secret door to all kinds of amazing experiences. But this can make it challenging to stay motivated.
Maybe the trick is to develop the habit of staying motivated by keeping what I have. And keeping the memory of what I've accomplished with Zhang Zhuan fresh in my mind.
Not losing is a more powerful driving force than gaining. Conserving is a more powerful force than gaining. The will to keep things as they are will always be more powerful in us than the will to change things.
But we can change things by keeping them as they are. Sometimes things can change back, to a better way, to a more interesting way. We can move into the future by looking into the past. By keeping the things to us that are truly valuable.
And anyways change is inevitable.
