Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Feeling powerlessness over good stuff

I've been aware recently of this feeling of powerlessness that comes over me. I don't know exactly what to do, exactly where to go. It's a time of transition and I feel lost.

Today when I was standing, present with this feeling, a question came to me. Another little experiment. What would happen if instead of feeling powerless over all the bad things that will happen, aging, death, what if I allowed myself to feel powerless over all the good things that are going to happen. The growth that is as inevitable for me as it is for trees. The flowering of my spirit, the blossoming of strength. Can I surrender to being and awareness and easily as I surrender to anxiety? And is the surrender to anxiety--the positive surrender of presence--not the surrender to numbing habits, is that maybe a preparation to surrendering to the good?

And what would happen if I did surrender?