Path of Liberation Level 3-4

I am doing path of liberation level 3 & f Spontaneous Presence and Liberation. Interesting that YMR characterizes the recognitions achieved in these levels as retirement from Samsara. I am semi retiring from my job and retiring from suffering in the same weekend. Do I have enough spiritual wealth to retire?

Wouldn't that be nice.  If only I weren't still struggling financially.  But I've made progress.  Not as much as I'd like, but I'm going in a better direction than I was before. 

Some notes from Day 1: 

• Horizontal is seeing the gap, seeing stillness.  Vertical is seeing the river. Even if you are overwhelmed with thoughts and feelings as long as you are conscious that you are seeing them you are in awareness. Resting in awareness doesn't have to be horizontal. 
• Recognition of emptiness dispels ignorance. When ignorance is gone, grasping, fixating, craving dissolves.  As does hatred. 
• Level 1-2 is inward looking (movement, stillness) 3 -4 is outward looking.

Day 2:

Last night for the first time that I'm aware of I had an almost dreamless sleep.  It feels pretty good!

Big takeaway.  In Kagyu there is no energy out there from which we draw because energy doesn't actually exist.  It's all manifestation and emptiness. 

Innate clarity is:

•  beyond 6 conscioueness, always open through the ten directions
•  the truth that dispels ignorance, grasping
• not the thing that is reflected in it.  
• not the anger, or the sadness, or the fear.   It remains when those things dissolve. 
• not the energy. It's what the energy arises from and dissolves into.  It's not even the light. 

George: Englightenment happens in the present moment. 

Day 3:

How do we know that we are seeing union of emptiness and clarity? Being with it after we have familiarized through analysis (JOL 3) and 1 & 2 we experience it beyond concept. 

Anger can't exist without object. Innate clarity can exist without object.

Emotions, negative and positive need an object. But innate clarity doesn't need an object to be sustained. 

If you are conscious you are in innate clarity.  No need to do anything, no need to create anything.  

Sleep by resting in nature of mind, luminous clarity. 

after transformation

grasping become loving kindness

aversion becomes compassion

Day 4

Two ways to deal with kleishas:

• resting in the lucidity
• hosting the kleisha until it dissolves into lucidity

Self directed retreat

Alongside the empliness and clarity I tap into when I feel my self hatred, I have to recognize my innate compassion.

When I do this, I see how wise action can be triggered. 

Today I did a self-directed retreat in the foundational practices, the four thoughts, the three jewels, some guru yoga. I am supposed to do this before I do my next level of path of liberation. But I also need it because I'm facing a stressful situation with my family. 

Or maybe I'm facing the stressful situation because it's been such a long time since I did a full day of meditation.  My retreats recently have been mosty dharma talks with a few hours of meditation. 

At the end of the day today, I feel the impact. There were some times during the day when I felt the suffering. Particularly when I was contemplating karma. I felt deeply the results of bad actions and poor decisions, patterns of addiction I've had since childhood.  There was a full hour today when I felt like the embodiment of a hungry ghost. 

But this evening my belly feels full of strong magnetic vitality. 

I came across a concept today "joyful remorse." That seems like such a contradiction, but there is joy in seeing reality clearly, seeing where we are creating suffering with our automatic habits. 

There is also joy in seeing the wisest action we can take, preparing for rest. 

Subtle Body Retreat

There are two paths into the subtle body.  The path through the body, exercise, body scanning, anything that nurtures, or throws into relief what the body is experiencing and feeling.  Then there is the path through the mind, visualization, deity practice, tummo. 

The first has many advantages. It is grounding. It is nurturing for the body. It is real.  But it is the body.  It is impermanent, it is relative, its joys and realizations will not last 

The second has the advantage of the absolute. It is the mind and as such is connected to the bigger mind that will outlast the body. But the mind is very powerful.  Enter first through this pathway, without a good foundation, without a healthy, skilled horse (body), and you can lose your way, become overwhelmed and disconnected. 

I come out of this retreat feeling deeply rejuvenated by the middle way.  I am doubly committed to resting in the nature of mind as my main practice, with tantra and tummo as the boosters. What is essential is the recognition of the union of emptiness and clarity. 

But I am also more enthusiastic about getting back to my tai chi and chi kung practices. And running. The body is impermanent. The window that I have for enjoying my strength, and building it to enjoy a healthy old age is closing. Next week I turn 60! 

The gros body needs attention too!