What is the impact of my practice?
A year has passed and it's time to pay attention to what I've achieved, accomplished, learned.
I've maintained a longer morning practice, an hour in the morning ever since doing the silent retreat. I feel the impact of that practice on my energy level. I feel a very concrete connection to pure awareness, much stronger and solid than I have in the past.
I have more willingness and courage to face emptiness. But it's still hard. Time and the self have their grip on me.
I've realized how strong my addiction to anger is, and how much it's an escape from sadness and anxiety. I'm very afraid of giving it up. But I also know that sadness is magic. It's the sign that blocked energy is loosening up and it's the earth and moisture that joy grows in. So I will try to stay open to any sadness of grief that happens this year.
My book is getting better. My challenge this year will be to trust in that as my mission and to have faith that the funding I need will come.
I've decided next year, to make emptiness my mission, my word, my challenge.
