I'm going to get a book deal,
If I can stand for an hour a day, I can do that. I can sit with my self-doubt and self sabotaging feelings and do what needs to be done, finish the outline, finish the overview. Send it out. Write down the goals, schedule the time. I know I can do that.
So now it's time to see what is stopping me.
Inner stress. Some kind of psychic stress that is awakened every time I try to make a career for myself.
Rather than try and solve this stress, I need to diffuse it a little. Accept that writing and working is always going to be a little painful for me. But it's a good pain. Like running. Like standing. It's a pain that's worth facing. Because at the end of the day I have something that I can send out. I have something that is going to connect me to the world. And I have something that is going to bring me peace, because there is no peace than the peace of having valued, necessary and useful skills.
It's a pain that I want to avoid though. A pain that I struggle to avoid. A pain that I have developed avoidance habits around. So I need to sit down and look at the obstacles that stand in the way of me sitting down to do that one hour of writing on my proposal every day.
These obstacles are:
Compulsive distractions. My tendency to surf and avoid.
Not knowing the ending of my book. Makes it hard to complete outline.
Ah well. I know the ending. The book ends happily with my great book contract.
