Sunday, May 6, 2012

Going off track

When I first started this blog, the goal of the experiment was to see if Eckhart Tolle was right.  If simply being would put me closer to a purposeful life than the mere pursuit of success.

I believe it has.  I work with more purpose now than I did back then.  Even if I haven't written or published the book I set out to write, I've still used that experience to help me get a fellowship, and I've learned through it to focus my projects more towards my natural skills and experience.

And now I'm on a new path that feels exciting and purposeful as well.  And maybe the next book will come out of this.

However, the one thing that hasn't happened during this time, that I wanted to happen and that I needed to happen was to improve my financial situation.

Standing was not made me better off financially.

I wouldn't go as far as to say that standing has caused my difficult financial situation.  But it's not enough on its own.

Now that I'm focussed on money, I feel stress.  It's not necessarily a negative stress.  It's a transitional stress, I think, that I need to feel to change my financial situation for the better.

But it's a level of stress that is making it really difficult for me to stand, because it's painful to face this stress every morning.

My practice is at risk because of this.  Every morning I have a different excuse to avoid standing.  I want to check my e-mail, my blog.  I want to run.  I want to think about my plans.

I don't want to give up my practice. I has been my anchor through all of this creative growth.

So I'm thinking about just getting back to baby steps.  Five minutes every morning this week.  Ten minutes next week.  Do what I can to get my practice back.