Basic Goodness

It's been an intense week.

I'm trying to stay focused on the final draft of my proposal. My agent says I'm so, so close. I need to find that energy that will tether me to the goal of creating the best proposal I can.  But during the time when I wasn't sure where the rent was going to come from I took on a lot of responsibility at the non-profit I work for.  I needed to do this because I don't have any other source of income. I'm in a bit of a bind, which sometimes feels like deciding which way would I prefer to be poor, as a writer or a non-profit consultant.

And then Paris, the whole world, it feels, plunged into political chaos.

How do I find refuge from this today? This morning it was in returning and resting in the place of basic goodness. That pure awareness, the recognition of which is an amalgamation of calm and compassion. A loving awareness. My mind is jumpy, but I could let that core of basic awareness seep out into my immediate environment and feel that calming presence.

On the weekend I was talking with my friend Laura who is going through a tough time, trying to get off the medication she's been on for many years (under the guidance of a psychiatrist.) I remembered what Tim Olmsted had once counselled us about having a "default meditation."  The one we went to immediately when things are particularly difficult. The one we went to immediately when we didn't know what to do. The one we could go to immediately when the distracted monkey mind has reached the point, it seems, of no return. Basic goodness. Just feeling it and feeling grateful for it, this precious life, making this intuitive, seems to me the first step out of the cycle of intensity, not just for me, but for everyone.

Beyond Concept

A straight spine tells the mind, and the world that we are alert. Relaxed muscles, focussed eyes, solid base, I sit and within minutes I feel pure awareness begin to uncurl in me.

The challenge now is to just let it be, let it change, let it change me. The challenge now is to stop throughout the day, check my spine, my focus, my muscles and remember to stay alert and relaxed. Like waking up in a dream.

Last year during my JOYL3 course, it was recommended that we find a default practice that we go to when we notice we're suffering. For some people it's the mirror practice, where we pretend to stare in the mirror. For others  I don't really have one.  Or if I do I'm not aware of it. But maybe it's this, straight spine, relaxed muscles, alert, but open.

Last week I dove deep into shame and the buried feedback loop.  I think I made some progress in forgiving myself and others.  But this week I keep it simple.  Just be alert and open. And see what happens.