With the commitment to bodhichitta, my practice has entered a new stage. As I make more habitual a dedication to enlightenment for all, I feel a force field build and emanate from me.
Writing this feels grandiose. But living it doesn't feel grandiose. Maybe it's wrong to write that it is emanating from me. More accurately I am surrendering to a force that supports and emanates from anyone who is aware of it. It's both me and not me at all.
As I enter my third day of retreat, I feel a deep thriving in my heart. Every hour I meditate is like a deep diving expedition. I go down and find a sharp shell of self-hatred or despair. I work at it until it unlodges and boom the energy lifts me up. I feel an anchored and abiding motivation to do whatever needs to be done to make my life happier. Clean my home, exercise, eat more vegetables.
I feel more open. My mind is naturally quiet. My job is now to get comfortable with it. Assimilate it as a trait, the way a superhero gets used to having power.
