Awareness allows me to see the impermanence of my thoughts and above all the impermanence of these stages where my thoughts are stuck in a chaotic jumble.
Right now for instance, I am committed to becoming more aware of the effort that I need to put into my environment to keep the normal standards of cleanliness. I am defining them now as a few forever loops; keep the dishes washed and put away: keeping the kitchen floor swept once a day; wiping down the kitchen table and counters once a day; wiping the bathroom sink, swishing toilet, keeping an eye out for clutter; doing a five-minute room rescue.
There is a mathematics to cleaning. If I keep those loops going forever I will be able to maintain a normal standard of cleanliness without too much effort. And then my efforts will go into the deeper cleaning, rather than the restarting after everything has descended into chaos. I hope. So that’s the method. But no method will keep the house clean. Only cleaning will keep the house clean. Only activity, not theory, will maintain the feeling of being nurtured and cared for.
I have had an easier time doing this with writing. Why am I keeping this forever loop of brief daily writings happening? Because I want to make sure that my thoughts do not become a chaotic, frozen jumble, and that I am cognitively flexible. This is how I connect to awareness. This forever loop of writing is and has always been the way that I connect to the awareness that is stable and unending that will be there as long as life is here. That life may and probably won’t be human life. We may very well be exterminated, or exterminate ourselves. I don’t know. These are some morbid thoughts. But I enjoy this kind of contemplative energy, even when it’s dark. This is how I keep my writing going. Keep on writing. Just keep on writing.
I don’t seem to be able to maintain the same daily commitment into cleaning. Or exercise. Or into wholesome, healthy eating of greens and fiber. And frankly, those things are more important to my happiness. Writing is not the cause of happiness. Awareness is the cause of happiness, not writing. Writing every day and being successful at writing is a secondary activity. It is not and will never be a prime cause of happiness. That is energy and power that results in sustainable happiness. But a life of mild happiness with occasional, typically human, disruptions will produce creative writing. For mild happiness, I need a clean home. I need a healthy body and mind. So the primary forever loops need to be cleaning, eating healthy food, exercising and meditating, nurturing a sense of family and community. The same old same old My secondary forever loops are writing, making an adequate living and political and cultural commitments.
And then there's the random stuff in between, and then there's the awakening to the awareness that is forever without my efforts or participation. I supposed we could call that the Tao.
