Achieving this state of pure awareness is getting easier as the days where I begin with one hour of mediation accumulate. But living, writing, being from this state is a different challenge all together.
How do I write from a place that is empty of thought? Who is doing the writing when I've let go of self narrative?
Running from this place makes sense. I just move my body. Cleaning house from this place makes sense, I just do the basic tasks. But writing? Writing is complex.
But is it? Maybe the problem is that writing from the place of self-generated suffering is complicated. And so I expect writing to be complicated. I resist the possibility that wisdom has something brilliant to say and that all I need to do really is listen.
I resist the possibility that this is enough.
Words are tools, my brain is a tool, my consciousness is a tool. Natural intelligence and creativity come through me and my brain and vocabulary and reasonable facility with language are the tool that it uses.
Letting go of this writing self is a process of familiarity. Feeling the tightness, the anxiety, the bad habit energy that sabotages my progress. It's all part of writing practice.
It's all part of living practice.
