It's been almost a month since my birthday. For the record my life is not being propelled effortlessly by the will of the cosmos liked I'd kind of hoped it would be by now.
On the plus side, after the Joy of Living course, and six months of running, I am feeling it easier to access what feels like a higher frequency of energy in my life. It's clearer, more powerful, more solid. But it's far from the default mode of my brain. Default mode continues to be concerns about career and money and economic health and a general mixture of resentment, compulsions, etc. If anything, I'm feeling this power wane.
Usually this happens when I'm about to make a career move. Getting close to success in some way. I let my formal meditation habit go. Enthusiasm becomes over excitement, and I burn up all the joy. I think this might also be happening because I'm getting to the point of mastery in my Tergar course, and there's a strong force in me that wants to undermine that mastery. I could be really internalizing this wisdom now. Instead I'm suddenly career focussed.
Maybe instead of making running my most important habit for September, I need to really keep to my formal meditation and look out for the subtle ways in which I may be undermining this fundamental habit in my life. I need to recognize that I'm not as enthusiastic as I was with all the peer support around me. But that I need to do this with acceptance if it's going to become a core part of my life.
