Around this time last year I started a cleanse. I know this because I wrote about it. And I know that after three weeks of de-tox I felt more stable.
The good habits from that de-tox didn't quite take. Ben and I seem to have cultivated some bad habits over the last year. We're liberated from the worst ones. We don't keep soft drinks or juice in the house. But we do buy chips and eat out more often than we probably should.
I don't know if this has anything to do with my recent insight into emotional toxins, but in the last couple of days I've come across some information on sugar. I like to think of myself as someone who doesn't overconsume sugar. But there's been a habit in the last three months of hot chocolate. And I let Ben eat sugared Cheerios, and white bread. And then there's the fish sticks and frozen french fries, which are just starch that act like sugar. And I've virtually abandoned whole wheat.
Okay, so I need to start getting back to good habits. It's like meditation. I've had them before, but creating the stable ground for them to root is going to demand some re-motivating.
It's all about hunger. In the last few days, I've been asking myself about this hungry person who lives inside me. Who is she? How did she evolve? What purpose does she serve in my life? What would my life be without her?
Every formal practice, I dedicate to the welfare of all beings, and I pray that we will be free of hunger and discord. But I need to really want everyone, including myself--above all myself-- to be free of emotional hunger, because I can't help others if I'm not free of it. Emotional hunger and physical hunger are intimately bound up. There's healthy hunger and there's craving, low blood sugar, addictive cycles.
I need to sit with this healthy hunger. But I'm going to skip the whole "jumpstart" this year. I'm just going to focus on the sugar and starches. And I'm going to keep track of this journey, here in the place where I capture my insights and hope that they hold.
