Last night I had a lovely stand. My body relaxed into that pure column of energy and I tasted timelessness. I was so sure that I was on a wide open path to peace. Then I watched the HBO show Enlightened. This is the story of a naive woman coming back from a retreat in Hawaii. She's stuck on the hamster wheel of work, and she can't get off because she's in debt.
Me. This morning all I can feel is a column of anxiety. Financial anxiety mostly. How, I wonder will standing help me with my debt? Will psychic and physical energy translate in financial success? Will I reverse this trend. Or am I just escaping?
I'd like to think that in standing I'm facing up to what my body is telling me. That there is entrenched worry in me that needs to be faced. But standing also tells me that this worry does not have to be the core of my identity. I'm feeling anxious this morning. Tonight, I may feel better. I don't want to duck my head in the sand, but without faith in some kind of energy in my life--a kind of energy that won't put in anymore debt than I am, since standing is free--I won't have the energy to face and deal with this problem. So I can't run away from this anxiety and escape into my other habits, food, T.V., etc. I need to stay with it.
