Pity, Overwhelm, Idiot compassion

This week and for the next while I want to start working on those things that obstruct change, that obstruct my ability to feel and sustain compassion for myself and others.

I'm going to do this in a systematic way.  This week look at the first near enemy of compassion: pity. According to Pema Chodron pity obstructs real compassion because it props up a story that we're better than someone. When we see another person as helpless, we don't see their strengths.

Another thing I might want to take a look at is self-pity.  This props up the story that I'm less than others and that I can solve my problems by appealing to pity.

Idiot Compassion

This is a tough one for me. I've been working on compassion for a few weeks, and it seems to be working, but recently an obsession, a recurring pattern that has me on social media arguing for more compassion towards somebody than what the popular opinion supports.

Is this really compassion, or is this just my ego wanting to feel good about my compassion?  I suspect the later. My opinion has very little effect on this person's life, and very little effect on other people's opinion. So this week I really want to work on idiot compassion, the tendency to confuse compassion with ego gratification, overindulgence, pity and self-pity.

Where is the line, really, between gentleness and overindulgence, compassion and self-pity.  And how do I actively break this bad pattern?

I could start small.  And start with idiot compassion towards self. For instance, I'm trying to lose weight in the next few months, so that I can enjoy my running more. I am overweight because I use food to feed and distract myself from painful feelings. Maybe the task this week is to be on the watch for bad habits that I justify as self-comfort and nurturing. Overindulgence is not nurturing, it's simply another form of abuse.  

I can also look at how I practice idiot compassion towards my son, letting him off the hook for behaviours that are abusive because I feel sad or guilty about the life he's missing out on as a the only child of a single mother.

Wise compassion is honesty. It strengthens us. It doesn't weaken us.