Dawn

Woke up late this morning. Somehow my alarm had been turned off. But my eyes opened and I could see the golden light and lavender sky of dawn from my window. Got out of bed just in time to see the golden window. A few minutes into my meditation the sun was up and the window had turned silver.

Yesterday in the afternoon I felt overwhelmed, tired, lost faith in myself. I lay down and simply imagined myself cradled in this golden light. Later in the day I read Ricard's book and he suggested an exercise. Imagine that you are taking in somebody's suffering, sucking it into your heart and then re-transmitting it as a healing energy.

Dawn is becoming that for me. A light that transforms me in the morning and a light that I want to pass on to others.

dawn

The clocks fall back today so when I woke up, quite hungover from Halloween celebrations, it was light during my practice.

So for the next while I do get to be standing at dawn.

Eventually I may train Ben to expect me to be in the park at dawn, but not while the weather is getting colder.

Practice was a challenge, but it certainly helped me with my hangover. And I need the help. My landlady suspects she has bed bugs so today I have to clean my house from top to bottom, bag everything, throw out every ounce of clutter and deep clean.

Knowing my housework challenges this is going to be an incredibly challenging day.

At the same time I almost wonder if it isn't something sent by the dawn.

I'm going to work on being able to do these tasks with an attitude of acceptance all day. Look at it like an intensive retreat. It's going to be difficult, but I wonder if I won't feel energized tomorrow being in a house I've managed to clean from top to bottom.

As I put everything back in the cupboard next week maybe I can just dump anything I really don't love. Get my possessions down to the bare minimum? Do a massive throwing out of stuff. And with it a massive clearing out of my psyche.

First, however, the accepting attitude.