It's been ten years since I started this blog.
My life is different. Much better in some ways, much more challenging in others. For the first time in my life, money is not an issue. I'm making ten times what I made when I wrote my first post. I have a great job as a director of a thriving non-profit. Meditation has helped me build the confidence and clarity it takes for this role.
I'm settling down from a whirlwind month, traveling across British Columbia, staying in hotels and eating airport food. My lifestyle is not as healthy as it's been. Trying to circle back to more sustained exercise, healthier food, earlier sleep.
This weekend I decided to do a self-directed retreat. Much sitting, some standing, and some napping. My spiritual energy is taking its proper place again. Awareness of awareness. The more I'm with that, the stronger my mind.
It's snowing out. My son, now seventeen, is snoring away. I could conceivably go out every morning at dawn. For six months. And change.
What would I want to change?
I could still become more diligent with housework. I could still be a more responsible parent. It would be nice to finally finish a book. I could become more values driven and goal-directed. I could find a life partner.
But there is much that I wouldn't change. Much that I am grateful for and want to build on. My meditation practice. Mingyur Rinpoche is coming to Montreal in June. I would love to meet him. And maybe I will.
I am reading his brother Tsoknyi' Rinpoche's book Open Heart, Open Mind during this retreat. If I take away one insight, it is this: It is not the job of others to earn my trust. It is my job to maintain my faith in them. People need to keep believing in themselves, and if I can help them discover that spark, I've had an impact.
My greatest power is faith, the ability to get up, despite all the indignities and faults and broken commitments, and keep at it. Keep at something. This is how I keep my life an adventure, not a trap.
This is how I open the door every morning and step out.
