Meditation has changed my sense of self. I wouldn't say yet that it has stabilized it, but I'm not as prone to accept this tiny self that seems to live in a prison somewhere in my frontal cortex. There's this bigger, more fluid, more magnetic and powerful self that lives and travels throughout my entire nervous system. Pure awareness, not just a glimmer, but an increasingly present energy.
This week started out with a greater consciousness of the self-hatred that is beginning to break up in my heart, like that piece of ice from the Snow Queen. Now I find my self wanting to know what this more powerful self wants. What is this consciousness feeling in and through my heart?
One thing is wants is to run more. To feel that pure joy that comes after a long run. I've put the picture of myself and Ben that I took at the end of the 10K, to remind myself throughout the day how important that vitality is to my life. It's spring, so the nice fresh weather helps.
My higher self, if that's what we want to call it, wants to feel healthy joy. The healthy joy that comes from creativity, exercise, and useful, meaningful work. The healthy joy that comes from having a lot of love in my life and in my home.
Not overexcitement or grandiosity. Just that mild sustainable joy that comes from a life well lived.
