Over the last week I've been noticing how I feel when I choose to shift my sense of self from the powerless feeling of ordinary consciousness, to the more powerful feeling of pure consciousness. If I see myself as driven and created by this powerful psychic force, and I see the drives that diminish my energy--my ordinary sense of self, as puny in its face, it's inevitable that my life will change. And change for the better.
So what is this fear about? Well, change for the better means more work. It means greater risk of failure, or perhaps bigger more noticeable failures. It means risking criticism, envy, contempt. Having a dream, where I grew up, meant contempt if it wasn't the dream that was the dominant dream.
It means living up to your potential, and paying back the gifts of life.
It means the solid realization that the strongest most powerful part of me, the part I share with all beings, whether they realize it or not, wants to communicate what I've learned and what I'm learning to others.
It's an entire shift of my locus of control, and that makes me feel a little unbalanced. In the past it has made me feel extremely unbalanced, but slowly that shift to a different centre becomes more intuitive.
It's an interesting optical illusion because the "self" that I'm afraid of letting go of sees the locus of control outside myself. Whereas the "self" I'm trying to give more control of feels like it's outside of me, but is really the self that has the most inner control.
Patience.
