For the last many years now, I've struggling with a choice between two loves. Standing and writing. If I could only do one upon waking. If I should only do one upon waking, which should it be. And also, why do I think it's a choice. A do or die choice?
It's like my life has always been set up as a double bind choice. Which parent do I choose mother or father. Which path do I choose artistic, or economically satisfying. I've believed all my life I had to choose, but I did I?
In the end, I never really had to choose between my parents.
Do I have to choose between standing and writing? Can they be different forms of meditation that I use depending on what I'm cultivating at the moment. The core loop is meditation. Or rather the core loop is awareness, whether I achieve it through writing or standing isn't as important as keeping to the core loop.
All the rest is background.
