This has been a big week. I started a mindful eating program that has me digging deep into my food cravings, and as a result, my other cravings.
The program is designed by a Psychiatrist at Brown, Judson Brewer, and listening to him on a Podcast, he says that he wrote a book in two weeks, while he was on self-guided retreat, deciding that he would only write from a state of flow.
I'm making the same vow, which means that I'm in flow right now. Finished a productive meditation where I diligently rested my awareness in the center of my chest, where the energy is contracted, hard, like a clenched fist.
I know what it's protecting, layers and layers of disappointment and heartbreak. But I don't have to protect myself anymore. I've long ago locked away any desire I once had for companionship. Or at least that's what I've told myself.
Maybe it will come back, but for the moment my heart is feeling more expansive than it has for a very long time. I'm okay. I have the courage to open that tender spot to the world. I can offer my heart like an open palm, welcoming anyone who has felt despair.
I can resist that craving for self-hatred
