I've been feeling the pings of energy in my navel that I seem to often feel towards the three month mark when I've committed myself to any kind of energetic practice. From what I've been told, and from what I've read, this can mean two things: that I'm on the verge of transformation, and that I'm starting to store energy.
The idea of transformation is interesting, because if I'm succeeding at my Tergar practice, my "transformation" is about recognizing what I've always been. Progress is really about how permanent that recognition is, and how it changes the way I see others.
It's not permanent since I seem to barely be able to concentrate on writing this one entry. Monkey mind is pretty active this morning. Not sure exactly why since I had a pretty good meditation. Building on the "essence of love" meditation that Mingyur Rinpoche's brother, Tsoknyi Rinpoche, gave a while back, I drop into the nervous energy flowing through my body. Just be with it and in time it naturally transforms into the love it takes to just be with this energy. It's a lovely practice. So simple and so effective.
This morning when I did it, I started to feel that familiar wetness in my navel, my chest, the back of my neck, the crown of my head. I recalled one of the foundational practices I'm learning in Rinpoche's new book, From Confusion to Clarity. In this practice we contemplate how precious and rare this human life is and how fortunate we are to even be born at all. To be born, to be in the process of awakening, to feel and know how spectacular and interesting the human body and mind is. It's like winning the lottery. It is winning the lottery, no matter how much my monkey mind wants other markers of success.
Of course I want to write a successful book that enriches other people's lives. But I want this book to come out of this recognition, and to enable those who are on the cusp of this awakening.
To get the courage to continue, I need to know that those people exist.
