Sunday morning practice and I'm feeling very much the strains of being at an in between state. I feel the energy, but I am also conscious of a lot of financial and professional anxieties that make it hard to keep a stable focus.
I'm alternating between a free floating awareness and dividing my anxiety down to the core emotional response. I'm trying to be patient with myself.
I'm also moving into an awareness of my environment, how it affects my sense of stability. Doing some house cleaning,and for the first time in a while feeling motivated to do that.
I wonder if this motivation is coming from the cleanse. Is it that I have more energy? Or is it that I'm more conscious now of my well being and the way that having a messy, chaotic house undermines that?
The important thing is to be aware of how I feel as I give up self destructive habits. I would never go back to smoking. It would be wonderful to reach the state where I would never go back to eating poorly, allowing my home to fall apart, give my mind up to a television screen or spend money foolishly.
