The power of yuck

Read an article today in New York Times on "superagers" , people who remain sharp and vital well into their 80s.  Given the history of longevity in my family, I should probably start readying myself for this.

The secret is apparently a willingness to push oneself both physically and mentally.  Strolls and suduko are not enough. One has to be willing to hit the "yuck" point with regularity.  I'm guaranteed a fair amount of yuck with the goal I have set for myself this year, finishing the manuscript of my book, with or without a publisher's advance.

I do not want to do the work that this is going to involve. Nor do I want to run a faster half marathon. Or clean out all the paper clutter in my home. But I care about that 90 year old woman in my future and she cares about me. She has memoirs to write and a rich creative life to enjoy. So I'm willing to hit that threshold for her.

She's worth it.

Resting in flow

The flow is getting a little stronger, pings in my navel, my neck, lower back.  All signs that I'm re-connecting with my natural vitality. In this morning's meditation I spent some time just resting in the growing warm wetness of my navel area.
  In the Tergar program there isn't any specific guidance on this, but I can still apply the method.  In the same way I rest bare awareness on thoughts, feelings, body sensations, I can simply rest on this warmth.  In the same way that sound and awareness of sound can become one.  This flow and the awareness of the flow can become one.
 That said, I don't want to overdo it.  I've lost this connection to flow so many times, and I wonder if part of the problem is that I plunge in too far and too fast.  Feel the pings, rest in them. But also don't be afraid to let go and rest in open awareness.  Alternating between this and grounded open awareness will do more to stabilize this than getting lost in some blissful state of altered consciousness.
 Navel gazing.  That's always been a label of shame in the western world.  The dangers of getting caught up in flow is not something to be ashamed of. But it is something to be aware of.

Vitality

I've written earlier about something Elizabeth Gilbert once said about depression. How the opposite of depression is not happiness, it's vitality. I still deal with depression. I won't say struggle, because I believe I've reached the tipping point where it will no longer drive me the way it once did. But I still have remnants and shadows and blocks that I must be working at steadily and always.

Cleaning up after the depression that gripped me for most of my life is my greatest responsibility. It's easy to get distracted with the outside evidence of my depression: clutter, grime, debt, but the most important work is my internal state of mind. That is where I can make the deepest and most influential changes. In my gut, my tan tien. In my heart, and through that my brain, or whatever that grey stuff is in my head.