Happy Losar

Today marks the Tibetan New Year, which I celebrated with an online recitation of The Nectar of The Path.

I'm a Tibetan Buddhist now. Not something I expected to say 10 years ago, when I first started my journey with Mingyur Rinpoche.  I'd had enough of ritual with Catholicism. The appeal of Mingyur Rinpoche was his secularism. 

But there is reward in being locked in. Just as I've been acculumating savings ever since I signed up for a paycheck withdrawal RRSP, I believe that my mind will clarify, peace and love in my heart will grow more effortlessly from my commitment to a belief system that has proven its merit to me over and over again in the last decade. 

Next week I officialy take my Bodhisatva vow.  

I took it in my heart a few months ago.  Before that even, when I read the dedication chapter of the Way of the Bodhisatva to my father a few hours before he died. 

In April I hope to take the first course in The Path of Liberation, and receive pointing out instructions from Mingyur Rinpoche. 

I've received an amazing taste of these instructions from Michael Taft.

Despite all the deep sadness of events in the world right now, as war rages on, I feel ready to accept whatever comes this year of the water tiger. 

May the peace of the water element, from which I take my name, combine with the power of the tiger element to accelerate love and ease to everyone who is suffering now. May we all be liberated. May we all one day soon know joy. 

Deconstructing Stillness

What do I want more than anything else in the world?

Here's a persistent thought that keeps running through my brain like a kind of thought worm. For this thought to have meaning a few things have to be true.  That there's this stable "I" that is wanting something.  That there is this stable thing that is and always will be more desirable than anything else. That there is this knowable world that I have a complete enough knowledge of to be able to choose this stable thing.  When I look at this thought from this angle, it seems pernicious.  How can this though result in anything that a desperate wandering through the world trying to find this perfect thing for this stable I that will always be.

Or I can look at it from another angle.  Yes whatever "I" created as the stable "I" is a construct, but it can be a useful construct.  And I can't know everything in the world, but I can decide from what I do know the thing, the quality, the state of being that is the most important thing.  The thing that holds all other things together.  I can use this question to tease out my deepest and more abiding values.

This morning in meditation as I was deconstructing this thought, I settled into my Tan Tien, felt as I do more and more frequently these days, a kind of stillness.  A fluid, but stable energy that could be a source of thriving peace and joy.  A place that could be an engine/a feedback loop, a self propelling mechanism.

As I settled into the warmth I could feel it feed itself, it rose quietly and pleasantly up my body.  I could see the kind of life that I could have so clearly.  It would be a life where I chose this vitality, this joy, this peace as what I wanted more than anything, and the more I chose it, the more it would choose and nourish me.

We are not our abilities.  We are our choices. I believe that's a direct quote from Harry Potter.  But the magic is in the choices.

What this thought is telling me is that I need to choose.  If I'm going to have a path through the wilderness, for me and for Ben, I need to choose and I need to commit to that choice.  And I need to do that with peace and with joy.

Happy Tibetan New Year

Today is Tibetan New Year. I'll be heading out to the Tergar Centre to celebrate. But this morning I think of what I want for myself and for others this year.

Peace.  That profound thriving peace that I feel in the centre of my brain when I've been working steadily at my mediation practice. That palpable magnetic energy that is always available to me when I need it. That thing that I still use too rarely in my life.

All people have this. Few people are aware of it. In my current practice it is called Buddah Nature.

This is what I want for myself and everyone.

One of the ways I'm going to stay close to this over the next month, the first month of this year of The Horse, is to re acquaint myself with Lent.  My old Catholic practice of renunciation before re-birth.

Television.  That's what's going for the next forty days. Television.

No more courtroom dramas. No more Girls.  No more Netflix.

Just for this month my greatest entertainment is going to be this peace. Maybe some reading.  But this peace. This peace, if entered into playfully, can be a profound source of entertainment. The human body,and psyche is an endless roller coaster.  Like a video game with blocks and challenges that once met and dissolved bring you to the next level.

No sugar. No television.  Just peace.

Though it might not seem like one, this is another adventure.

This is my home

Last week I moved.

I remember back in June of 2011, I wrote a post on learning that my landlady was thinking about taking my apartment back.  I knew I was going to lose my lovely spot beneath the willow tree.  But I also knew that my home was not an apartment or a place, it was a space inside of me. A solid place of calm and wisdom that I had been cultivating over many years.

That said, it was still a traumatic experience losing my apartment.  And the move has been difficult too.  I procrastinated the packing and the decluttering, so it went on days beyond what it should have.  I'm still only half unpacked.

But I'm in a new home. And there are many things I like about my new place.  It's very bright, and for the first time I have a really open and inviting workspace. It's urban, which suits my style.  And visually it's very private.  In the mornings I have a balcony on which to stand that faces a brick wall. The morning sun rises above it.  I can look out onto a tree lined street. And passers by, if they looked up would see me.  But no one is in a position to stare at me doing this strange, still meditation that is still so unusual in our culture.  So I feel less self conscious.  I am outside now.

As the morning unfolds though, it does get a little noisy.  It's on a big busy street, and many of the tenants are young guys in their thirties.  So there is music sometimes, and pot smoking on the balcony.  But it's not party central.  Just guys dealing with the stresses of finding their way.

And I'm learning that moderate noise can be kind of stimulating. I've discovered some background noise apps that I'm experimenting with. It's a matter of feeling connected to the busy world again. I feel like I did back in the 90s, when I was living in The Plateau with all my hipster friends.  I'm starting over.

Regardless of where I live, however, I have another home.  This blog.  Here I have a record of peace and comfort that is a harbour during whatever storm I'm likely to face in my life. Here I generate calm and confidence, always available to me.

This blog is my ground. This blog is my tree.

Happiness

From The Art of Power:

"When you are happy, it is not difficult to earn enough money to live comfortably and simply. It is much easier to make the money you need when you are solid and free. If you are happy, you are more likely to be comfortble in any situation. You are not afraid of anything. If you have the five spiritual powers and you lose your job, you don't suffer much. You know how to live simply, and you can continue to be happy. You know that sooner or later you will get another job, and you are open to all possibilities.

We must distinguish happiness from excitement, or even joy. Many people think of excitement as happiness. They are thinking of something or expecting something that they consider to be happiness, and for them, that is already happiness. But when you are excited you are not peaceful True happiness is based on peace."