New words, new feelings

I'm working on building the specific words for feelings that  I need to recreate to sustain the growth that I've made and want to build.

Repiphany: an insight that I've had before, but forgot

e.g. If I sit with that feeling of stuck-ness long enough it starts to give, and I start to feel a small motivation to change.  I've recognized this before, but it's not quite intuitive

Incrementum, the feeling after I've taken a small action towards positive change, and

Recrementum, the feeling I have after I've completed a micro habit that served me well in the past

eg. Just looking at that empty swept corner of the room gave me hope. 

Remomentum: the energy that starts to build from several instances of recrementum

eg. If I could commit to the 2 minute hotspot for a few days, I'm sure I'd build some remomentum. 

Strange Loop

Douglas Hofstadter has a theory that consciousness of "I" is a strange loop. What he means by this is that consciousness is a recursive process.  At a certain point the mind gets enough data and experience to create a story of "I" and maintain it as an ongoing narrative.  But if we actually break this loop down I is really a logically recursive loop, It's like the "I" has folded in on itself and now creates its own energy and momentum.
  But also its own suffering because there is something, after all, artificial about it.
  I have a theory now that meditation shifts us back into the strange loop of natural intelligence. In fact, more and more I can actually feel this loop as a physical energy.  In time we become adept at switching out the "I" loop and into a place of peace, beyond concepts, and those of us who become really adept at it eventually see that natural loop fold back in on itself. From there we can switch in and out of "I" and natural intelligence depending on what our life demands.
  When that happens we can re-take control of the now.  If the now of our life is constantly defined by technology, then yes it will become more and more difficult to imagine a future, and not being able to imagine a future is profoundly demotivating.  Imagining a future, though, that's just like the past merely repeats the problems of the past.
  That's why it's useful to have an idea of god, or a spirit, or a sense of a future that is bright, but fuzzy and not entirely under our control.  A good future, a future we can be grateful for, a future filled with compassion and joy.

Lightness

I'm on day 11 of this cleanse.  Today I had a good stand.  Better than yesterday.  It was interesting that I started in first position and then almost right away I felt that energy in my right arm. I decided to just go with it.  Be aware of the energy and follow the path.  Over the course of an hour it started to build in my Tan Tien. I felt a warmth up my spine.

But I'm still feeling a little anemic.  This may have something to do with the heavy bleeding.  So I'll see if I can find any good solutions in vegetarian diets for that.

My sense as I was standing though, is that there was some stuff being cleaned out. Some really old body memories along with the other toxins.  Maybe the fatigue is part of that.

In general after this stand, I feel a certain lightness.  Maybe it's lightheadness.  Maybe it's even hunger.  Maybe my body is shutting down in starvation mode.  I'm not sure.  But I'm going to be patient and see what happens.