Top insights of 2020

1. "When you know you don't need to change, that's when you change"  Mingyur Rinpoche.

   This was from an interview on the podcast 10 per cent happier.  I realized after listening to this that I don't have to "stop" hating myself.  Being aware of that piece of coal in my heart is like knowing where the diamond is.  As with cravings, I just need to accept this aversion and let it transform itself. If that were my only meditation, I would have all that I need

2.  "To whatever degree we know deeply that we have what we need within ourselves, we will let go"  Narayan Helen Liebenson

   NHL meant this more about connecting with our sacred core, our place of enough. The more deeply and intuitively I am connected to my gut energy, however, the easier it is for me to let go of all the weakening habits I've accumulated.  

3.  Going home is the most treacherous and challenging part of the adventure.

   As I think about putting this book into book form, I remember that movie about the climbers coming back from ascending a glacier in Peru.  Going down is harder and more treacherous.  How we make it home and make it to a place of peace after a peak meditative experience is a much more challenging journey, than getting to the peak experience.  How do we live after we have awoken?

4. Who would I be if I didn't hate myself?

   A question posed while reading Byron Katie.  If I don't have a clear enough picture of that it's going to be hard for me to return home, because I don't even remember what home feels like.  

5. The 3 words of Dzogchen.  

   Recognize (the primordial state beyond concepts). Decide (to be  in this state). Know (that is is self-liberating.

6. The impact of informal practice on awakening

   I learned a lot from Culadasa's The Mind Illuminated, but the best take away was his assertion that awakening will always be stunted if our informal practice is weak.  The end of day review is something I want to bring into the new year 

7. Intermittent fasting is not a sustainable nutrition plan for me

   I've come back to fiber fueled eating, which meant going through a transition, and even some weight gain.  But I truly believe it's what's best for my body, and for the planet.  That said, I'm not eating unlimited fibre in front of the computer or TV.  I am building better intuition about what I really need to eat to feel happiest and liberate myself from cravings and self hatred.  

8. I can become a digital minimalist

   December I cut out streaming.  I'm trying to re-introduce it judiciously. Limiting the emotional thrillers to a couple of episodes a week.  Balancing different kinds of shows and trying to keep it to under an hour a day during the week.  

9. To make my cleaning algorithm intuitive, I need to truly focus on the cleaning habit I'm mastering

   Focus and attention is the foundation of learning. If I want these cleaning algorithms to take, I'm better off bringing my attention to a short practice many time a day for a while, like shining the sink, or 15 minutes, than doing binge cleaning while a watch an empty tv show.  This is how I learned to meditate.  It's how I'm going to learn to clean. 

10.  Attention is the foundational, core habit, of socio-emotional learning 

    I really got the importance of attention, which I may have been mixing up with concentration in the past.  This is partly from Culadasa, partly from my work with UNESCO.  But I'm beginning to understand how vital attention is learning.  Awakening, I am starting to believe, is the unity of attention and awarenes.  It's that simple.  And that difficult to master.  

December of Digital Declutter

  I end my year with a digital de-clutter. 

This is largely about un-hooking from streaming. I'm tired of all that video content pinballing around in my head. I'm tired of my head. What would it feel like to be happy? More and more I see it as the ability to just rest in wellbeing.  Stop the constant search for drama. 

Once I unhook, I will have to be with my aversion. That tight cable of tension that runs through my heart, my forehead, down to my belly. What would it be like to let go?

I sit here on day 1.  The only news of the day, the tightness that holds me to the past. 

Deep Work

I'm feeling better now as I finish the second week of my cleanse and the last week of my digital de-clutter. 

I've started processing a lot of the agitation that I've been using food and streaming to avoid. I feel like I have more clarity at work.  Sometimes that means that I'm able to see that I like people, and they like me more than I think.  Sometimes that means I'm better able to see where my ego is sabotaging things.  I feel like I'm starting to re-discover the pleasures of deep work. 

So the plan now is to limit my digital activities to books and podcasts.  No streaming for at least a few weeks. I will do one more week of dietary cleanse and try to retain the habit of healthy breakfast and lunch.  Then the next big project will be cleaning my home. The hope is that in a body and environment that supports focus,  I will be able to make better decisions with how I use my evening time.

I'm reading Cal Newport's book on deep work.  I want to find better ways to guard my mind from shallow distraction.