One of the themes of this journal since the beginning has been growth and recovery from trauma. I go back again and again to the idea of traumatic sprouts, re-growth that is at high risk of early death because of a major trauma that cut off the mature and healthy boughs.
I've been reading a book this week about using mediation for trauma recovery. The author sees the danger in two systems, the thinking brain and the survival brain being out of balance. She pointed to gratitude as too often being a positive thinking scheme by the thinking brain used to control the intensity of the survival brain.
Re-reading my post last week on creating a "gratitude algorithm," I realize I might have been in danger of one of those poor thinking brain band aid solutions. A better solution might be using the algorithm of the precious refuge. The three gems, buddah, dhamma and sangha. In contemplating how precious these places of safety are, gratitude arises naturally from the survival brain and growth comes from a deeper place.
I had a chance to put this into practice this weekend. I had another one of my work spats that set in motion the intense ball of insecurity, anxiety and shame that gets released every time I get into any kind of work conflict.
Trying to do a lot of breath watching to bring back that sense of how precious refuge in the dhamma is.
Showing posts with label breath. Show all posts
Showing posts with label breath. Show all posts
Sunday, January 19, 2020
Sunday, February 10, 2019
Anapana
I've signed up for another Vipassana course in June. In the application process it became apparent that if I was going to continue with Goenka, I was going to have to make the decision to embrace this technique fully.
I haven't. Especially at the level of anapana, noticing the breath at the nostrils. I'm a belly breather, and shifting to anapana hasn't been easy. It's like I feel this massive electrical rod going straight down from my nose to my belly every time I try it. I'm starting to realize that I'm afraid to make the permanent shift to such shallow breathing. Or even to experiment.
This weekend I devoted most of my practice to it, and tonight in group Vipassana, I had a revelation. The the awareness I need for Vipassana, and for anapana to feel more intuitive, is not in the sensation, it's in the equanimity that looks at the sensation.
I've been experimenting with non-duality, but trying to root my awareness in the sensation, because I didn't want to see the sensation as an object. This new approach roots my awareness the equanimity with which I view sensation. It's a subtle distinction, but an important one since equanimity is more stable than any sensation, which by definition is impermanent.
Walking home from meditation, everything felt right in the world for at least a few blocks. Once home, I still struggled with some of the work anxiety I've been feeling lately, but I started to feel a burgeoning confidence that whatever might happen, I had the emotional intelligence to deal with whatever comes up.
I haven't. Especially at the level of anapana, noticing the breath at the nostrils. I'm a belly breather, and shifting to anapana hasn't been easy. It's like I feel this massive electrical rod going straight down from my nose to my belly every time I try it. I'm starting to realize that I'm afraid to make the permanent shift to such shallow breathing. Or even to experiment.
This weekend I devoted most of my practice to it, and tonight in group Vipassana, I had a revelation. The the awareness I need for Vipassana, and for anapana to feel more intuitive, is not in the sensation, it's in the equanimity that looks at the sensation.
I've been experimenting with non-duality, but trying to root my awareness in the sensation, because I didn't want to see the sensation as an object. This new approach roots my awareness the equanimity with which I view sensation. It's a subtle distinction, but an important one since equanimity is more stable than any sensation, which by definition is impermanent.
Walking home from meditation, everything felt right in the world for at least a few blocks. Once home, I still struggled with some of the work anxiety I've been feeling lately, but I started to feel a burgeoning confidence that whatever might happen, I had the emotional intelligence to deal with whatever comes up.
Friday, February 10, 2017
Breath
In the ten years since I started this blog I have never written about the importance of breathing. I don't even have a category for it.
I'm thinking about it now because I've started exercises in longevity breathing. I've decided that I'm going to follow Bruce Frantzis's energy arts program step by step. There may be something to his theory that westerners need a different program than asians. There are basic building blocks that we don't have, which Asians take for granted. One of them is attention to the gut and the importance of breathing, our intestines and in general the belly and lower part of the body. Our culture takes this ability for granted, rarely considering how and why we lose our capacity as we age. We place a lot of emphasis on aerobic exercise to improve oxygen assimilation. But we can do more by simply training in expanding the diaphragm in a way that is natural and progressive.
I'm training this month in deep, expansive breathing and already I can feel the difference in my chi. My plan for the next few months, even half a year, is to stabilize this energy. Six months of simply breathing and opening the are of my gut.
When I started, I believed that the goal I needed to change was six months of standing outside at dawn. Maybe the goal needs to be simpler and smaller. Six months of resting in my gut awareness.
Like Dan Harris says, if that makes me only 10% happier than I am, that's a pretty good return.
I'm thinking about it now because I've started exercises in longevity breathing. I've decided that I'm going to follow Bruce Frantzis's energy arts program step by step. There may be something to his theory that westerners need a different program than asians. There are basic building blocks that we don't have, which Asians take for granted. One of them is attention to the gut and the importance of breathing, our intestines and in general the belly and lower part of the body. Our culture takes this ability for granted, rarely considering how and why we lose our capacity as we age. We place a lot of emphasis on aerobic exercise to improve oxygen assimilation. But we can do more by simply training in expanding the diaphragm in a way that is natural and progressive.
I'm training this month in deep, expansive breathing and already I can feel the difference in my chi. My plan for the next few months, even half a year, is to stabilize this energy. Six months of simply breathing and opening the are of my gut.
When I started, I believed that the goal I needed to change was six months of standing outside at dawn. Maybe the goal needs to be simpler and smaller. Six months of resting in my gut awareness.
Like Dan Harris says, if that makes me only 10% happier than I am, that's a pretty good return.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)