Intention for effortless stability

Cortland Dahl led a group of dharma geeks in a great meditation this week to explore effortlessness in the context of Mahamudra. 

We looked at the way that breathing meditation changed in the context of object oriented meditation, awarness meditation with no focus, and awareness meditation where intention was the reference point. 

It was clear that intention was the goldilocks level of awareness, not too tight, not too loose.  I will try to remember to put the recording here when it comes up. 

Song of realization Day 3

Transformational meditation last night. 

I sat with my self hatred and saw, as if for the first time, how solid it felt.  But also how clear. If I can dissolve the illusion of solidity then my self hatred is the gateway to Mahamudra (the union of emptiness and clarity).  

I dissolve it by resting in the knowing. 

I'm going to ask a question today. 

"I grew up with a lot of emotional violence. Last night while practicing, the habit energy of self hatred felt very solid in me, but also very clear and lucid. I felt that if I could dissolve this energy, my chronic self hatred could be my friend, bringing me closer to Mahamudra.  Like anxiety did for you.  This solution seems so simple, but I'm aware that I live with complex trauma.  Is there anything I should be careful of?" 

Teaching:

Emptiness is the fact of no self.  Clarity is the recognition of this fact. 

So look for self that I hate, or that hates me.  I won't find either. Recognizing this non-existence of self is clarity. 

Rest in this and the mind becomes a safe place. 

Mingyur Rinpoche answered my question! Thumbs up. Lots of nodding.  Says I'm on the right track on the path to transfromation. . If I get overwhelmed do some physical exercise.  Will wait for recording and get exact quote. 

Interesting to go back to my insights from the "Difficult Emotions" retreat of two years ago

Practice:

Cortland Dhal leading us through a practice in which we see the nature of mind as a huge container that can never be improved on or corrupted by our experience, dharma, thoughts.

Q&A

Cortland makes an interesting distinction between the experience of clarity as a meditative state, which is impermanent, and clarity of recognition of the NOM. 

This is my takeaway for the day. 

Song of Realization retreat Day 1

Day 1:  

8 am.

I prepare.  This is a momentous event in the unfolding event that is the mind. I want to put into place the conditions that allow me to have a recognition that is going to take, a direct experience of clarity that is a tipping point.  

For this weekend I renounce all my wordly concerns and obsessions. I feel the craving, fear, resistance as support. Cloudy, muddy waters that over the course of the weekend will settle. Causes have outcomes. Non meditation will open the mind to clarity. 

But I need to stay devoted.

5:30 pm

Using space as a metaphor for the nature of mind, everything inside as well as outside feels empty. 

Earlier in the day I am reminded of my first lucid dream, and that sudden shock of total clarity and luminosity.  This is more subtle and gradual. 

At the end of the meditation self hatred rises up.  But as I explore it, I realize there is no real boundary. The heart is just space too. 

6:30

How do I live in this freedom? I want to be careful that I'm not asking "how do I keep living in this freedom." Yes, I want to sustain it, but I don't want to become fixated on maintaining states.  Just see this as a gentle exploration of the world outside the tiny box my mind has been shut up in.