Today I'm struggling with frustration, anger, disappointment with someone close to me. Someone who seems to have lost the will to take care of his body and mind.
It's a challenge to meditate because I haven't slept well. This week in JOYL1 we are focussing on the body, feeling present, noticing sensations, and as we always do, alternating with objectless meditation. For most of it, I was in the raw, rigid anger and despair I feel, and being with the belief that my happiness is dependent on whether or not he is happy.
And then for a moment, I was able to pull back and really feel as close to pure awareness. That silky, calm joy. I felt for a moment that I could be happy even when I was unhappy. I can be sad that he is making poor choices, but I can know that at the core of my being is a happiness that can not be wrecked by anything or anyone.
The closer I am to that realization, the closer I am to the insight that happiness is and will always be available to him too. The best I may be able to do is hope that he is able to find it.
