What I learned at M.I.T

Last week I gave an "ignite" talk at a ed-tech conference at M.I.T.   Five years ago, I thought of myself as a writer. These days my job is closer to "thought leader." So I've been thinking about what kind of thoughts that I want to lead with.  I'm nailing together a sort of code for life.  In the spirit of five, I will keep this a five point list that helps keep me moving in the right direction.  So far it is this:

1. Delight in calm

Again and again I come back to a theory I heard about on the NPR show Invisibilia, that we really only have two emotions: calm and agitation. All of our "feelings" are how we interpret this data and over time those interpretations become the way we see the world. I can't say if this is true, but this very much appeals to me as a computational thinker, this idea that our feelings are essentially an endless improvisation on binary code, with the heart as a genius compiler.  The first goal of meditation is to get us back to the binary, to notice the calm again and decompose the endless dance of agitation to its tiniest bits. The next goal is to build a new emotional framework that will protect and nurture this interplay.  Delighting in calm means just that. Take as many minutes as you need in one chunk, or throughout the day, to observe that calm. Then take the next heartbeat to be happy about it.  Not over excited. And not overattached.  More like joyful tenderness you might feel towards a newborn baby who has found something to laugh about in the dark.  More like the joy you feel on from your best friend, who you would never then force to move in with you. The ultimate goal of meditation is how to make that calm available to others in such a way that they cannot help but connect with its profound power. According to this theory, compassion becomes the technology of feeling the agitation of others and doing what can be done to de-iterating it so that they can find their own peace.  Enlightenment, I think,  is the moment this compassion "technology" becomes  intuitive.  Or perhaps, the moment that we see that it always was and still is.

2. Walk, Run, Sit, Stand

The older I get, the harder this one is to keep, but the more essential it becomes  Carving out time to do what needs to be done to keep the sap flowing is a tough one.  But today I've been standing and again and I am amazed how powerful the flow of energy.  I think a life doing all these things as regularly and routinely as you can is the best way we can to express our appreciation for this wonderful body we were born with. Everyday we don't consciously connect to the physical vitality that is our birthright feels a  day wasted. The effort is always worth it.  So if I can't find the motivation to do this for myself, maybe I can find the urgency of doing it for others.  I dedicate all of these hours of exercise to the well being of everyone.


I have three more that I will discuss in future posts. So far:

3. Share something
4. Learn something
5. Believe in patience

Information consumption

Feeling bleary this morning and wondering why.  I've been eating well, I'm over my cold.  Shouldn't I be feeling more vitality and concentration?

It hit me towards the end of my mediation that I was tired because I'd been up late, net surfing, watching DVDs.  Harmless stuff.  But enough to keep me up too late.

Once I've let go of my food addictions, I'm not going to have much choice but to confront my digital addictions.  And once I've done that I'm probably not going to have much choice but to face the things that my addictions protect me from, anxiety, resentment, regret.  All those things that hit you at middle age.

Patience.  That's all there is sometimes.  Just patience.

Patience

I've had some interesting and exciting experiences this week as the energy in my tan tien starts to build.  I've connected with the warm liquid center.  I've felt the pulsating electrical energy outside of myself as a living breathing presence.  I had a moment where all my suffering disappeared and I was just bare awareness of the profound peace and abundance in the world.  And I heard a voice telling me that this was now a permanent part of my life.  This happiness.
  But this morning, just a mundane practice.  The impatience builds, wanting to feel the deep satisfying  state of peace and joy.  The impatience that I am coming to learn is the worst block to my progress.
  Impatience means that my desire is coming from the wrong part of my body.  Mostly the desire is in my head, in some place where I conceptualize what happiness is: a mystical state, a constant permanent state of thriving.  And happiness may very well be these things.  But it's not achieved by conceptualizing.  It's achieved by achieving.  Impatience is the vision becoming more important than the work.
  So I bring the desire down to the core loop in my belly.  This is the place where desire will be most quickly and productively satisfied.  But I resist it because this desire, the place where this desire comes from has been so problematized by my life and the culture I come from.  Real healthy desire feels a lot like sexual desire and in my celibate, single mother life, that desire connects me with a place of sadness, fear and abandonment.
  So I go back to visualizing, rather than feeling what happiness is.  It's safer.  It's more comfortable. And my impatience protects me from having to go back there.
  Babysteps.  The smartest thing to do is to bring my awareness for brief moments, brief sessions to that place again and again.  Don't look for the explosive clearing house, orgasmic moment of revelation and transcendence.  Just get used to living, feeling, wanting from that place.  Regularly, throughout the day.
  The goal is not a mystical experience.  The goal is a mystical life.  A regular, habitual connection to this vital, healing, empowering energy, that I hope to share with as many people as I can.