New Stage

With the commitment to bodhichitta, my practice has entered a new stage.  As I make more habitual a dedication to enlightenment for all, I feel a force field build and emanate from me.

Writing this feels grandiose. But living it doesn't feel grandiose.  Maybe it's wrong to write that it is emanating from me.  More accurately I am surrendering to a force that supports and emanates from anyone who is aware of it.  It's both me and not me at all.

As I enter my third day of retreat, I feel a deep thriving in my heart. Every hour I meditate is like a deep diving expedition.  I go down and find a sharp shell of self-hatred or despair.  I work at it until it unlodges and boom the energy lifts me up.  I feel an anchored and abiding motivation to do whatever needs to be done to make my life happier. Clean my home, exercise, eat more vegetables.

I feel more open.  My mind is naturally quiet. My job is now to get comfortable with it. Assimilate it as a trait, the way a superhero gets used to having power.